Sunday 25 January 2015

'Ring that Bell'- Week 10

'Ring that Bell' is what I read on the cake as I walked into the chemo clinic this week. I was there to celebrate the final chemo treatment for a woman I had just met the week before... I arrived just in time to see the final countdown of the medication drip taking it's last drop and clapping and celebrating with a family so full of hope. I took a few deep breaths and held back my tears and really took everything in...
For the past three years, working for The Princess Margaret - I have walked around the cancer centre countless times but never actually stepped foot inside the chemo clinic. I can't really say I pictured it looking any specific way but it looked like I thought it would. I sat across from this amazing woman and watched as the nurse detached her from the machines and set her 'free' from the tubes and wires. I got chills and wanted to burst into tears of happiness when I saw the smile on her face as she hugged her arm that had just received the medication. We waited for her doctor to arrive to share in the bell ringing moment. She sprung out of her chair, and marched over with determination to the large bell in the hallway (this bell is rang when you have completed your final chemo treatment). It was something I will never forget! I was so grateful to have been invited to be part of such a special moment and I can't even begin to explain all of the other emotions that flooded through me as I left this woman and her support system. She is SO strong.

I've been thinking about this all week and took this experience with me to the gym every night. I thought about my fight when I was with her and I thought about her when I was training to fight. 

This week in training, footwork seems to have been the theme. We worked on moving our feet on offence and defence and quick footwork to step into a few punches and then get the heck out of there before your opponent has a chance to hit back. Let me tell you, this stuff is hard! 
Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

In our almost 2 hour class, Jenn took us through drills, using the rope ladder on the ground and looking in the mirror to mimic and help us visualize stepping into your opponent, throwing a few punches and getting out with a jab. We lined up and went over this again and again. I felt great! "This is easy", "I've got this." Fast forward an hour when I have Jane (FTEC 2014 fighter) standing in front of me. Jenn tells us to use what we JUST learned and step into our opponent and throw the punches and get out... My mind goes blank and I have NO idea what I am doing. I try and try and think I'm doing okay until Jenn comes over and completely shuts me down. Perfect. 
Jenn has a tough love approach and I both love and hate it. I hate it because it puts those negative thoughts I talked about last week back in my head but I love it because I know she is only being this tough because she knows I can do this... because I can do this, obvs (short form for obviously)! I just need to continue to tell myself that I cannot be perfect, in the sport of boxing or ever. I need to remember that there won't be time on fight night to make sure that every technique and foot positioning is just right. All I can do is remember everything I have been taught and know that whatever comes my way, I will have the knowledge to react to it in a close to perfect way. :)

When May 30th rolls around, I know that I will have every bit of confidence to step into that ring and box, for real. Physically and mentally, I will be ready for them to 'ring that bell'.

Stay tuned for next week! :)

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero

Picture by Al Quintero


Sunday 18 January 2015

"I am doing this because I know that I can." - Week 9

Winter Fight Camp- COMPLETE.
From the very first day I committed myself to Fight to End Cancer (FTEC), I knew that on January 17th, it was mandatory that I take part in a full day fight camp dedicated to teaching the rookies (and refreshing the veterans) on every technique/rule needed to box and compete. I arrived early Saturday morning at the gym ready for a FULL day of boxing.  We were taken through many drills to teach us the basics and foundation of this sport and once we had all those down, we got into the ring for some sparring (nothing too intense) to put to use what we had just learned. I was partnered with Kate (a former FTEC fighter) and she was an amazing teacher to me. If you know me at all, you know that I NEED some kind of positive reinforcement so I know what I'm doing is correct and to give me that little added confidence boost. Kate was the perfect partner for this! When I would counter and defend her punches, the slightest nod of encouragement was all that I needed. Thanks Kate :)

I felt really good about everything we learned and even though there was SO much information to take in, I think (and hope) that I absorbed it all, or most of it!
I was exhausted leaving the gym at 5PM after 6.5 hours of training but it was the best I've felt to date pulling out of the Kingsway Boxing Club parking lot.

This was a much different feeling than I had leaving the gym on Thursday night this week. It's so interesting and crazy to me that I am doing what I am doing. I have never boxed before, I am doing strenuous training to get myself into shape over the course of 7+ months and I am actually going to fight against someone in a ring, in front of hundreds of people. WHAT?!
Most days when leaving the gym, I am feeling so motivated and amazing after such a good workout and I feel so high on life, but occasionally I leave the gym with thoughts like "why am I doing this?", "I'm never going to break that bad habit", "I suck", "what if I lose my fight?" and other thoughts that are SO negative and very unlike me. These lead to thoughts of, "why am I doing something that is making me feel so down about myself?" and it's a whole vicious cycle. For the most part, I keep these thoughts to myself because I don't want to admit that I feel this way as that might be seen as a weakness, but I can't hide it anymore! I know that anyone who has ever challenged themselves and put themselves in a situation that is so foreign and uncomfortable has had or will have these thoughts and, well, I'm human.

It's insane how a new sport or task that is placed in front of you can evoke SO many different feelings and emotions. On Thursday night after a full class with Virgil doing one defending drill the entire time, I took off my gloves and packed up my bag to leave and expressed to Virgil (with excitement) that that was a great class and I felt so comfortable and I finally think I'm getting it! His response, with no words and a simple 'look' made my mood change in a split second. He told me my movements were very mechanical and predictable......PARDON?! I know he had the best intentions by telling me this as he is my coach and needs to be honest but I was so sad, upset and confused. I wanted to stay and chat about this but had to run out as I was late for my soccer game.
I got to soccer and ran right onto the field and instantly felt at peace. Soccer has been a sport that I picked up so naturally as a little girl. I've been playing for almost 20 years and when I play, I feel like I am floating on a cloud. Your whole world and every thought is about the game and what you need to do and there isn't time to think about anything else. It's heavenly. There are different techniques and runs that we are taught, but after all these years playing, I don't have to think about any of these 'rules' and it's the most natural feeling.

As I left soccer that night and drove back from Burlington to Toronto- I had time to think. I realized that no one is going to start something new and be perfect at it right away and it's going to take time. I understand and am aware that I am a perfectionist and only want to be the best at everything I do. I understand that I am NOT going to be the best boxer in the world. I understand that it's natural to have negative feelings about how you're progressing and feeling upset about certain things when they don't come as easily to you. I know that I can't suppress these negative thoughts and feelings and need to be vocal about them to my coaches and anyone that will listen because it's not good to keep those kinds of thoughts to yourself. I also see now how mental the sport of boxing is. I realize that there is so much that I don't know and so much that I have to learn and just because something doesn't 'click' right away, I will get there.

So, why am I doing what I'm doing? I am fighting for everyone and anyone that has or will be diagnosed with cancer. I am fighting for people who would give anything to be ABLE to train and be part of a boxing match. I am doing this to challenge myself and I am doing this because I know that I can.

Win or lose? I believe that I have already won.

Sunday 11 January 2015

It's a new year - Week 8

Happy New Year!

This time last week, I was basking in the sun in Jamaica as my trip came to an end. It was an unreal break and holiday and I'm so glad I took that time for myself to really immerse myself into the Jamaican culture and get some much needed rest and relaxation. I know I am in for a huge undertaking now that the fight is only five short months away.

I can't say my first week back at the gym was the most strenuous as I was just getting back into the swing of things and had some work commitments on nights that I should've been at the gym- but I managed to get in there on Tuesday and Saturday. I was feeling slightly under the weather but I pushed through and made sure I got a few workouts in.
It felt great to be back at the gym and to see my family after a few weeks! I was struggling. I'll admit it, and it didn't feel great to have Virgil point that out to me a few times either...

This Saturday was the first week that an hour was dedicated solely to the fight team. This will continue now until the big day! I got to the gym early to get the conditioning class in and then stuck around with the rest of my fight team to work with Virgil on some technical skills. We spent the entire hour working on the most basic techniques as a mini refresher after the restful holiday season. I appreciated this!

I then stuck around after 3 hours of sweating, for our first Fight Team meeting to go over some administrative details. There was lots to cover but we got through it all and it made me so excited and so nervous for event day!

Next week is time to really pick up my training and get my nutrition back to the way it was prior to the break! No more slacking!

Stay tuned!